Four characteristics  anyone who possesses them a sheer hypocrite, and anyone who possesses one of them possesses a characteristic of hypocrisy till he or she abandons it:

when she is trusted she  betrays their trust,

when she  talks she lies,

when she makes a covenant she acts treacherously

and when she quarrels she abuses. 

Muhammad

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott

My daughter asked me this morning if I still blogged. There I was on the spot. I had to give an honest answer and I said "starting back today."

sigh...I have wanted to come back for almost a year now. I had something HORRIBLE happen here on spaces and it was big time BETRAYEL from someone I trusted. I am a very loyal person so when someone I trust betrays me it really knocks me down. Over the years I have been able to deal with betrayal better and am grateful that I found out early because then I didn't have to ever second guess when I had some tiny bubbles of doubt floating around. What is that saying ?...hmmm..."It is worth the five dollars that a friend steals just for the knowledge of the "friend." Something like that.

I have many faithful, loyal and wonderful friends on spaces. I stay in "phone contact" with at least five. You have gone through all the eye surgeries with me and have cheered me on in many scary scary places as I have fought blindness for 15 years. You notice my photographs and write super encouraging things. You know I have PTSD and that I flaunt it because there is no shame in having survived very traumatic life altering events. I believe with all my heart that I am a more "enhanced" human because I am more aware. My definition of spiritual is “an elevated sense of awareness” which leads to an over-flowing gratitude for all that is good and beautiful. I hope I don’t sound like I am preaching because that is far from it. I am allowing myself to be very vulnerable because I want to keep my connection with you and put this behind me.

This is a portrait I did of a baby. The picture was perfect and clear for my client. S

he had no idea that this is what I was seeing.

There was a period of time when I could not see what was on the computer. The light from the screen was blinding and I always had to have someone check my pictures to see if they were clear and they were but I HAD to have help. Not easy when you are a professional photographer. I had about 12 surgeries at that time for my acute Glaucoma. Someone that I felt close to in spaces asked if she could be “my eyes” and fix my space up and all. I decided to trust her because she was a mother and was a practicing “Christian.” I don’t know why I still trust people that have to tell me they are a devout Christian instead of just saying “I am trust-worthy.” If I hear those words, it’s almost with certainty that I am about to be “duped.” Darn!!! Sorry if this offends anyone but that is my own personal experience for ½ of a decade and that’s that. The greatest people I know never have to say about their personal beliefs. Just DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO!!!!!!

So I gave her my password and she did lots of nice and creative things and after a couple months, I had this “churning” feeling inside and I just asked her if she has ever looked at my personal e-mails? I asked her straight on and didn’t give her a chance to come up with a good answer and she burst out crying and said “yes, she had.” GHHHHEEEEESHHHHHHHH! I had so many e-mails from soldiers and people who have had incredible personal trauma and had written me because I say in my profile I have PTSD and I believe in victory with that so they reached out to a fellow “soldier.”

When I heard this, I just said “Shame on you and if you really feel contrite you will announce on your blog that you betrayed me and took advantage of my disability and trusting heart.” She never did and quickly took my picture down on her blog and carried on with her life. It affected me so much, I couldn’t come back here just as if my blog was raped just like a home that dirty hands and minds have ransacked. Incredible violation and I am sure there are many out there who have experienced the same.

When I read a comment months ago that my photographer friend, Horst, wrote on my space like “Hey Julieann, why don’t you write anymore? Is everything okay?” I was still raw but did not have the courage to tell him there was something wrong.

Now, I feel said my peace and feel like I had a major emotional cleansing. Ahhhh…boy, I have so much to share with you and want to catch up with you. Amazing, what can happen to a person in a year, isn’t it?

always…Julieann…always

P.S. I have a strong password now and don’t really need that kind of help anymore. I looked into my inbox just now and there are 5000 e-mails. I am deleting them and starting out from scratch.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott

My oldest daughter, Kimberly, has the family curse and that is "fear of heights." My mother had it, my brother had it and he was a fireman :( and three of my children and myself. We have it to such a degree when cannot drive over certain bridges. Kimberly had it the worst. You DO NOT want to go over even a medium size bridge with Kim or you will think you are on a rollers coaster without tracks. She is the director of a successful boys rehab center. She took all her boys to go sky diving and then she decided she wanted to get over her fear and she JUMPED!!! YEAH KIM!!! Of course, no one in the family can watch the video unless we are lying on the floor.

It has opened all kinds of doors to incredible experiences for her. I would say she is a more enhanced person because she walked through her trauma because she trusted. If she can do it, so can I.